Being an Adult and the Games we Play

There’s a point in our life when we all choose to stop being a child and grow up to be an adult. A critical situation or a circumstance that forces us to make the choice of letting go of our innate desires and will to be free, playful and joyful but instead take on the responsibilities and duties necessary to survive and live in the world.

This choice however mostly comes as a coping mechanism, when we find ourselves alone, when suddenly everyone starts pretending to be an adult, when all our friends are too busy trying to be someone. They all start playing a game we already know doesn’t feel fun. Yet, it seems like we have no choice but just to “grow up” and play this game of life.

The real maturity of being an adult comes however, when we are again no longer afraid of being a child, choosing this innocence and playfulness and joy, in everything we do, even if it means we have to be alone, or we are the only ones doing it. For us then, fun is again the priority.

We find playfulness and joy in our daily lives, in the seriousness of work and earning a living, we do not forget the meaning and purpose of life. We find our role in the grand scheme of life and play it to our best. We see ourselves as part of the whole where no single part is bigger than the other. Whatever work we do, we are content knowing we have done our part and duty and no longer hunger for what others have.

Then when we meet others, who are also not afraid of being their authentic inner child, then our conversations and connection to people are not so serious, of how to make money or of trying to prove something. Nor are they of this grandiosity or childishness of saying “I’m always right, just do what I say”. No, as mature adults we then really listen and understand the other. We play and explore together, what really brings joy to all of us, what is true and how do we grow together.

We make new games and we set rules of the game, not so that we can find ways of winning or just to break the rules. But as a baseline for respecting each other and creating a playground for exploration and fun for everyone playing the game.

As children we played games for fun but as we grow up we’re taught to compete with each other, become better than others and ultimately win. It’s no longer enough to just play for fun. All sports are a competition. This creates a false association in our minds that stays for most of our lives. We think “if I’m not having fun then I must be losing” or “if I’m not having fun then I need to beat someone”. We get caught in a zero-sum game where we’re always taking from someone else and not really creating something new.

Dance is one of the few physical activities that is positive-sum. Two or more people come together, dance and interact, play with gravity, physics and each other. And all of them leave having had fun in the process, there’s no loser or winner. It’s a highly creative activity, that is new and fresh every time one steps into it. Not only is it fun, but it becomes a way for us to grow and learn with and from each other.

The more mature adults there are, the more positive-sum games we can play and the more we grow as a society.